"" From Now Till 'I Do'...: Potential


Preparing for Marriage Header 

She’s a 4th Year attorney at a very prestigious Chicago law firm, who’s doing really well.

She’s on her way to becoming partner.

A guy wants to date her, who just got out of school, didn’t have a job, had a car with a hole in it. Had no money.

But she is a very successful lawyer and she’s even practicing in her home town. He’s not even from the town, he doesn’t know anybody.

She saw potential in him. In fact she saw it so much that when they got married, she was the primary bread winner in the family for the first 10, maybe more years.


Now he’s the President of the United States and she’s the first Lady.

Potential - barack_and_michelle - From Now Till I Do

If you were in Michelle’s position, how would you have responded?

Would you have:

a) Looked at his status, lack of money, lack of job and possessions, kissed your teeth and told him off for even thinking he could talk to you.


b) Look beyond his current situation and see the potential standing before you.

If you answered a – you join the growing group of young women today who base their relationships on the current status of a man and not where he could be in the future. It’s a sad situation because you may be rejecting a man that God has chosen for you by basing your judgements on outwardly appearances alone.

Great men do not appear overnight. They are moulded, developed and grown as God sows into their lives. Through your encouragement, prayer, support and love, an ordinary man can become an extraordinary man.

If you speak to most men who are searching for a wife, they will tell you that at this crucial stage of their lives, they are searching and need a woman who will believe in them. As a woman you have the power to influence a man’s life positively or negatively. Which one will you choose?

Similarly comparing a man to your father or another male figure in your life, can be equally as dangerous. Those men as wonderful as they are did not start out that way and like a fine wine took time to reach the quality they are at now. By making comparisons it prevents you from appreciating what you have before you.

Zechariah 4:10 tells us not to despise the days of small beginnings.

Do you appreciate the potential in people or do you judge based on what you ‘see’?

{This post kicks off our Ready for Marriage series, where every Monday I will be talking through different topics to help you as you prepare yourself for the one God has for you.}

Image {Source}

fromnowtillido Signature


  1. Ive heard of this before, that is looking for potential ina guy, but how can you really, really tell? i think this is the hardest decision in life! Im not married yet and I keep asking of my partner, "are these traits potentials?" how will i know?

  2. In my opinion, there is nothing wrong with being with someone who has potential as long as they are constantly working towards their goal. Proverbs 14:23 says "All hard work brings a profit, but mere talk leads only to poverty." This sums it up for me.

  3. This again reconfirms the essence of patience, trust and perseverance in the Lord cuz sometimes a girl just wants to pick up her shoes and run whether she sees potential or not...

    A lot of it relates to walking by faith and not by sight...which is a hard lesson to learn.

  4. I think my hubby would say that we both went for potential! :-) He probably could have married better, and I could as well. However, we believe so wholeheartedly in each other and what we believe the other can do and can be, so we clung to each other tight and fastened our seat belts.

    I always say to people, especially ladies, if you want to marry someone who's got all the means in the world (and no personality) then go ahead, but know exactly what you're getting yourself into. Money is not going to buy you respect from your husband, or love, or kindness, or thoughtfulness, or honesty. There's no shortcut to these.

  5. Chichi, i love this post and the question.

    The main problem is do women really understand what a potential V a liability is when they see one?

    How can you spot a potential without honest communication? A lot of the time as women we like to live in LA LA Land. We choose not to see what is in front of us, even when it is so obvious.

    Before i met my husband, i had made up my mind never to marry a man that didnt have a home and some other things. While i had a portfolio of properties and financially i was at the top of my game.

    But we had honest communication and I did see that he had great potential. I realized that sometimes it take us (women) appearing to show our mate how great they can be. It also took him being honest with me to show me that I havent even scratch the surface of my potential.

    While in the beginning i had things that he lacked, but what he also brought to the table i lacked also. Its a balancing act. It is not all one sided.

    There are things Obama brought into that relationship that Michelle so needed and it cant be quantify in monetary terms.

    Its all about balancing each other out, having real honest communication and being real.

    Thanks for this great post, i am sure it will make those thinking of marriage to think deeper about what is really a potential and a liability?

  6. Fab post Chichi - really makes you stop.

    Bukville, you make a great point regarding knowing the difference between potential and liability. Prayer and the spirit of God is key for discernment.

  7. Great call out, important post. I think it can be difficult to tell, but one can look at the person's past history, and ask for their plans for the future. Someone without a vision for the future is a red flag..

  8. This is a completely thought-provoking post and one which is great to address. Chichi you're a brave woman (lol) because so many people would disagree with your suggestion that women choose Husbands on potential rather than what they see now.

    I personally agree that it's important to see people's potential and not judge them solely on their past or background BUT there really is a fine line between a liability and potential - and I think that when women feel compelled to 'see potential' in others they can end up in seriously bad relationships. I've seen this first-hand unfortunately and I think that framing the question in this way might make some women feel that they are less 'Godly' because they dismiss certain men as 'not good enough' or 'wastemen'. I think that every woman has to make (and live with)such decisions for themselves.

    I studied anthropology and its funny, that you really don't have to go far to see that most cultures and religions in the world have stories about people marrying outside of their culture/caste/tribe/educational circle etc. From the stories (fictional and otherwise) that I have heard, the outcome is not positive. I am no authority on whether or not 'accepting' a man who has potential is any better than 'seeking' a man who has already reached a certain life stage BUT I know what I'd advise my daughter/friend to do and I know what I think is good for society - unfortunately, the two are not the same.

    Like, I say, it's an interesting topic and whilst I love Michelle Obama and her beau, I think she was extremely favoured/blessed/lucky (delete depending on your beliefs) to have been with Barack and not the guy who is still jobless, striving for something that may never be realised....

    I love this topic and wonder if you'd consider a follow-up post with practical ways to differentiate between a liability and someone with potential - assuming that 'prayer' is the first step...what else can a singleton do to save themselves a load of heartbreak?!

  9. Anyway, regardless of my thoughts on this issue, I think it's important to consider the question - like I said, well done Chichi for bringing the question to the table...

  10. Luv luv luv the Michelle & Barrack Obama..It takes a strong woman to remain humble in such circumstances and I really respect her for that....that is why Her husband does not joke with her

    BUT there are some women who have sacrificed for men and the men left them stranded when they had made it.....I guess this is where GOD's WISDOM & GUIDANCE is so superior as He will never lead you to the guy who will leave you high and will let u know by giving you his peace....

  11. I'm so glad aloted called my attention to this entry. I agree fully with what you shared here. It takes some faith to be confident in your decision when you go for someone's potential versus what they are bringing to the table right this moment.

    Unrelated: did you stop using Intense Debate because you were having some glitches? I ask because it's behaving funny with me!

  12. I got my answer my reading your last entry! :)

  13. all i look for is Jesus, everything else is negotiable. Pres O had a degree from Harvard he was broke but he wasn't no slouch! :)Great post and very encouraging!

  14. Thank you so much for writing this. I'd love to see the follow up. How can one tell if its a liability or not. Thanks.

  15. Thanks to all of you have commented, shared your stories and raised questions. I am writing a follow up post to address the questions, which should provide clarity.

  16. Can't wait to read it hun x

  17. This is a very inspiring write up and i believe it's a must read for all ladies. However, what if u are not particular about his money/accomplishment e.t.c. He might even b d richest man in the world for all you care, You are just not attracted to him as a person, does it mean you r judging based on what you see.

  18. Wow this is a great post!! I wish more women would think like Michelle! :)


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