So it’s been a week since Siobi entered our lives and what a week it has been. Thank you for all your comments and emails of love and congrats. We were really touched.
As each day passes we are becoming more confident and comfortable in our abilities to take care of her. She has been feeding well and growing well (she put weight on at her recent midwife visit) and is such a peaceful little girl.
Having a third person around has been invaluable. I really don’t know how we would have coped this past week without my MIL being around. She has been a real blessing. My first meal home from hospital was pepper soup…yummy!
This past weekend we had family visiting and it was so amazing to see how much joy one little baby can bring. My siblings are all thrilled to be uncles and aunties for the first time and for my parents this is their first grandchild, so it is a huge milestone for them. Nevertheless even as grandchild number 4, Afam’s parents are over the moon too.
Labour was intense and completely different to how I planned or imagined, but the outcome was still the same and we were blessed with a beautiful daughter. I am slowly getting into a routine and hope to post about my labour experience and life as a momma very soon. In the meantime you will see a couple of guest posts thrown in here and there to keep the blog ticking over. And for those of you awaiting pictures… here is something to tide you over (Yes I am such a tease)!
Today I have my lovely friend Modupe from Hepzibah Bride writing about having children and timing.
At our traditional engagement and wedding ceremony, our non-Nigerian friends were highly amused at the prayers and blessings pronounced over us that went something like 'Oh Lord, this time next year, bless them with the fruit of the womb!' Cue a resounding "AMEN!" Talk about pressure! And I am certain that there were auntie's that were sneaking looks at my middle in the months following to see if any growth was apparent.
Contrast that with the prayer of the vicar at a friends wedding - "Lord if they wish to have children..." Cue the the once closed eyes tight in fervent agreement flying open with shock and a stifled "ah ah, wetin' be the problem of this father, of course they want to have children now! God forbid bad thing that they won't have children!" Actually, my friends were in their forties and so the vicar's prayer put very little pressure on them.
So, to wait or not to wait - that is the question. For some, the choice is not actually theirs, because for some reason best known to Him, the Lord may decide to withhold the gift of a child for some time. But otherwise the decision on whether or not a couple have a honeymoon baby can depend on factors such as:
Adjusting period - getting married is a big deal and there's a lot of teething that goes on in the first year of marriage. You might decide that it's best to settle down as a married couple first before bringing children into the mix.
Age - if you're a relatively young couple, you may want to wait a while before starting a family so that you can do things like travelling together before kids come along, and then be older and wiser for the parenting season of your lives. On the other hand, you might think that it's best to have children early so that you can be energetic enough to take care of them, be young enough to be able to relate to them better when they reach adolescence, and then still be young(ish) when the children have flown the nest.
If you're an older couple, you might think that time is against them and so may want to have children straight away.
Views on contraception - if you'd rather not use contraception until you've had your first child, or you don't believe contraception is right for you at all, then all things being equal, a baby will follow very shortly after your marriage. A lot of girls that I know, come out with grand plans of waiting for a certain number of years, without thinking practically about how they are going to achieve that. I mean, if you're not keen on hormonal contraception and using barrier contraception on your honeymoon doesn't tickle your fancy, if your wedding takes place during your peak conception period, sorry love, your mama's going to be a grandma sooner than you think! (a few young girls are bumped back down to reality when I break it down to them like that!)
Circumstance - in an ideal world, when you get married, you should be financially sound, but things happen, and perhaps financially having a baby straight after marriage isn't a good a idea. The same applies if you still need to settle down accommodation/location wise as a couple. Of course adverse conditions don't mean you should put having a family on hold - the Lord is faithful and will work things out - look at Mary and Joseph...
Children are a blessing from the Lord (Psalm 127:3-5), but no one should feel under pressure about having children. As long as you PRAY and AGREE as a couple and ultimately hand your desires and plans over to the capable hands of God (Proverbs 3:5-7; Psalm 37:4), whenever you have children is perfect. There's no right or wrong.
I know you must be itching to find out...we had a honeymoon baby, which we were totally prepared for :-)